Announcing An Engagement Fifty Years In The Making.

IMG_3929Finally, the words I’ve waited fifty years to say: I’M ENGAGED.  Why now you ask and not five years ago?  Ten years ago?  Twenty years ago?  Not sure, but I think it has a little something to do with the right time, the right guy, and being in the right place emotionally and personally.  Being a late bloomer had a lot to do with it, too.

Right before I turned 50 in February 2013, I gave up on marriage.  I threw in the towel. I had enough.

I was tired. Tired of dating, tired of disappointments, tired of all the high hopes, false starts, nice guys who couldn’t close, and nice enough guys who couldn’t quite cut it.

I didn’t exactly quit, I just decided to accept my life as it was, which was pretty good.

I thought to myself: “Look around.  Look at what you’ve created. Look at who you’ve become. Now pat yourself on the back and feel good about it.”  Being single isn’t the worst thing in the world, I also told myself.

Here’s a little piece of advice for you single ladies out there wanting and waiting to get married: stop giving a shit.  When you stop hyper-focusing and over-efforting, obsessing and worrying, that’s when the magic happen.  Zen Buddhist philosophy says “Detach from the outcome,” and that’s what I did.  There is beauty in surrender if you can do it; it just takes courage.  Or in my case, it took plain old exhaustion.  More about this in future posts, but for now, here’s what I can tell you:

When I let go, the right guy walked into my life and changed it forever.

So here’s a little bit about the right guy: Robby Scharf.  He’s from my hometown of Beverly Hills, he went to the same high school, he studied music at Berklee School of Music, he works for Sennheiser (manufacturer of pro audio equipment), and he’s a volunteer coach for Special Olympics.  We met through mutual friends on Facebook.  He’s a good, kind, decent human being with a beautiful heart and soul.

At 56-years-old, he’s also marriage virgin and late bloomer like me.

At an age when most people are getting colonoscopies, we’re getting married. When it comes to wedding planning, it’s like the blind leading the blind.  We’re total rookies here.

That’s why I’m starting this blog – to document my experiences, share my musings, and chronicle my journey as a 50-year-old first time bride. It’s not everyday someone this old ties the knot.

I’m also starting this blog for input and guidance since I know absolutely nothing about weddings.  As an only child with no older siblings, and a working mom, I’m going to have to blaze my own trail here.

I’ve attended countless weddings as a guest or bridesmaid, but never took notes. I was either too drunk, having too much fun, or too busy flirting with the groomsmen to remember a thing.  But thankfully, I have a lot of friends who’ve gone before me, and can show me the way.

My wedding pit crew consists old friends and new, divorced and happily married, and they’ll be my side as I attempt to navigate through this odyssey called wedding planning.  Hopefully with their guidance (and yours, dear Readers), I will make it to “I Do” before I’m officially a senior citizen– which is just around the corner and down the aisle too.

 

30 thoughts on “Announcing An Engagement Fifty Years In The Making.

  1. So if you want to invite people and not just have an ‘intimate’ ceremony, spend your money on an open bar and a band. That’s what makes for a great party. Remember the fishbowls we had as centerpieces? That’s because we really didn’t have money for flowers. The cake? It cost $90 from a bakery in Santa Monica. Congrats Treva! So cool.

    • JoAnn, I didn’t know you were supposed to reply to people’s comments! Still figuring out the whole blogging thing. Love your comments, love you. Thanks so much!

  2. You may want to look at this as two opportunities – the wedding itself which can be whatever fantasy you want – my 40-something sister got married at an isolated lake in late afternoon with loons crossing in the background. Pick something that both of you will look back upon with fondness – it’s not about orchestrating the attack on Omaha Beach. The people who are important to you, who love you, will share the moment. It may seem trite but it’s YOUR special day.

    THEN you can have a helluva party in LA or wherever – leave the planning till after the honeymoon if you are heading out right after getting hitched. Or, depending on finances, you can leave the honeymoon for next year and focus on an amazing celebration with everyone you know. AFTER your marriage.

    Separating marriage, honeymoon & celebration reduces pressure and allows you to enjoy them rather than stressing on the minutiae.

    And, based on conversations I’ve had with lots of people over the years, while a wedding planner may seem to lift some of the burdens, you will still have to make decisions and have more stress when it isn’t right, AND have to pay the bill. DIY makes it special. You don’t have to do everything yourself but using the florist whose shop you go by every day and asking your friend’s mom to make your wedding cake is more personal, more you, than what is churned out by the wedding industry.

    Just my thoughts. Main thing is that it is your day. Not your family’s, not your friends’, not the media or your church’s or any other entity. Yours and your husband-to-be’s. Forever.

    Congratulations!

    • Hey Liz, so sorry for the late response to your incredible comments! Still getting the hang of this blogging thing. It’s been a few months since getting engaged and if you’ve been following my posts, you’ll know it’s all going well. I’ve followed your advice which is wonderful!

  3. Enjoyed reading your blog. Happy for you and Robby. I don’t remember ever meeting him, but I know Wendy from our early days in Los Angeles. I wish you both the very best….

    • Esther, this reply is so late, but I wasn’t sure whether to answer people’s comments or not. I guess you’re supposed to! Thanks so much for reading my blog and for YOUR lovely comments!

  4. So happy for you….your words are so beautiful and authentic…I wish for you nothing but happiness and a great adventure….think that’s what you will have….you’re marrying into a beautiful and loving family. I live in Baja and am friends with Wendy.

    • Pat, so sorry for the late reply, still new to the whole blogging thing and wasn’t sure what to do with people’s comments. Thanks for reading, and thanks for your beautiful wishes!

  5. Treva this article is so touching! You are so beautiful! Please enjoy the journey… I would love to help you with anything. XO

  6. darling – what you see as a daunting lack of experience in this arena is actually a true blessing – what this really means is that you are 2 fully realized adults with no expectations about any of this and no agendas put upon you by others. That said – do whatever the hell you guys envision and imagine. the absolute only thing that matters here is that what you do feels authentic to you both. that applies to everything from what you want to wear to what you want to serve your guests. I hope I can be on the pit crew because I will be the one that says the tell everyone else to fuck off if they are killing your buzz. and here is a tiny seed of a thought for you 2 to consider since I am sure that you have a million friends you want to share this milestone with…do a small and intimate ceremony with the ones you love and treasure the most and then have a great, fantastic, out-of-control rave for the masses. that way, you don’t spend ridiculous coin you could put toward your future, you don’t hurt any feelings when you realize you can’t invite the immediate 310 area code, and you don’t exhaust yourselves on the planning of this thing. It is so much more daunting than you know and I don’t wish that part on anyone.
    xox you too!

  7. Treva I was very moved by your blog and I can tell you from experience!Just enjoy the ride plan your wedding with all the joy and love that has brought you and your fiance to in the first place. If the two of you want to get married in a temple, a hot air balloon or in Cabo San Lucas or where ever just do it! It’s your day and you should enjoy it anyway or any place that makes you happy with the people that you love!”Que Viva El Amor!”Long live Love!!:)<3

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  9. Congratulations to a couple of Normans. Yes, I remember the mascot we had at BHHS. You deserve happiness and the odds are stacked in your favor with all the right background elements and cultural similarities. Where is the honeymoon?

  10. This is by far the best love story I have ever read! I am so excited to be going through this adventure with you and am looking forward to the actual event!!!! xoxox

    • So sorry for the late response Cathy, I’m so new to blogging, I wasn’t sure if you’re supposed to reply to people’s comments or not. I love you and your comments and that’s all I have to say!

  11. Beautifully writtten Treva……and BEST WISHES to you my love…remember I am always here ready and willing to help in anyway I can!!!!! Like Daniellle said remember to enjoy it all …I dont remember much about my wedding ..maybe I was young..overwhelmed..who knows but this is a lovely time in your life…WRITE IT ALL DOWN…Remember the good, the bad and the ugly that comes with planning any big event…it is all glorious when all is said and done…YOU will be with the man of your dreams!!!!! Who cares about the rest????????

    Amy

  12. Hey, Wow/Wonderful! I know Robby (didn’t know him real well, but well-enough). I remember him as always being a good guy. Special Olympics? What else do ya need to know (I taught Special Ed!). There are good men out there, and I’m glad you finally found one. You’re in good hands (and so is Robby!). All the best, always!
    -David Corbin

  13. You will be a beautiful bride! Don’t worry about the 50, you look 30!!!! Advice is always good, but most importantly, go with what feels authentic to you! This is your wedding, the vision should be yours!! Have fun with the whole process, planing and celebrating!! ❤ ❤

  14. I LOVE THIS!
    So Happy for you beautiful Treva. My only advice regarding your wedding is don’t get lost in IT. Personally, I went with a small ( 40 person) wedding.I truly didn’t want to make my union about a big party. We choose to keep it small and meaningful to us. That being said, if BIG will be meaningful to you, that is wonderful. Just always keep your eye on what is really happening. You are beginning your life with your “new family”, your husband to be, Robby, the man you will grow old with. ENJOY EVERY SEC!

    DANIELLE LAWRENCE

    • I just realized there were a bunch of comments I never replied to, yours being one. Thank you Danielle for your sweet words and great advice. I have “gotten lost” in it, but in a good way, so don’t worry!

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