Women Are From Venus, Men Are From Costco

get-attachment.aspx

Robby’s happy place: Costco and me.

It was either me move into his man cave/bachelor pad in the heart of gritty, urban downtown L.A., or him move into my charming, old French Normandy apartment on the Westside. Downtown L.A. is cool and groovy if you’re a guy, but not if you’re a princess from Beverly Hills.

We had just gotten married and needed to consolidate and start cohabitating, so Robby came out West. Just like Jed Clampett, he loaded up the Prius, and he moved to BEV-ER-LY. Hills, that is: swimming pools, movie stars, and me.

As he proceeded to cram the contents of his 1,850 square foot loft into my teeny two-bedroom, something occurred to me: MEN ARE FROM COSTCO. They are different animals. They don’t live like us women. They have lots of man stuff: junk, supplies, gear, equipment, electronics, toolboxes, miles of cable and cords, unexplained wires, and gadgets of all kinds and sizes. If men aren’t from Costco, then they’re from big box stores for sure.

Maybe I’m just not used to a man around the house, or maybe I’m too used to living alone, all I know is that Robby moving in has been a fascinating study in how men live and function. Remember, I’ve never even lived with a guy, so this is all new and intriguing. I feel like I’m Marlin Perkins of Wild Kingdom, observing a most unusual creature: my new husband.

IMG_4547

A little light shopping.

My Baby Buys In Bulk

If you’re single and anything like me, you buy just enough food for a week. A couple bags of potato chips, a loaf of bread, a few frozen Trader Joe entrees, some wine maybe, and not too many perishables lest they go bad (single people dine out a lot).

Robby, as I’ve discovered, likes to buy in bulk – everything from bulk paper goods to bulk food. This I don’t understand. What single guy without kids shops at Costco? Where exactly are you going to put those 24 rolls of paper towels?

You should see my pantry now. It’s now stuffed to the brim with industrial size jars of peanut butter, and crammed to an inch of its life with canned goods. I get claustrophobic just looking at it.

If you ever run out of toilet paper though, come on over. We’ve got enough to cover everyone for the next two years.

Guys Like Projects

IMG_4535

Drill baby drill!

Robby loves a project. The minute he moved in, he started retrofitting, wiring, re-wiring, installing, hooking up, dismantling, and assembling. He tossed out all my ancient cordless phones, and replaced all my light bulbs with energy-saving LEDs, which I hate, but marriage is compromise, and I love the environment, so the bulbs stay. He’s outfitted our place with lots of other much-needed things, which as a single woman, I never thought to buy.

For this reason, he’s made up a song for me. It’s called “The Absence Of A Man,” (sung to the tune of “The Shadow Of Your Smile”).

Robby is very handy. He loves to build shelves, organize stuff, and hang things. And I let him because I love a Jew with a drill.

Men And Their TVs

Robby wasted no time in giving away my old TVs, and installing his new big screens into every room of my apartment. You know the fancy kind with all the bells and whistles and super complicated remote controls? The HD quality is fantastic, but now I don’t know how to change the channel.

IMG_4550

Welcome to NASA West.

He also promptly renegotiated my cable bill, which was way too high. Who knew?

Hey Time Warner, stop ripping off your female customers!

Robby loves his TVs, and his laptop, and his iPad. His office looks like a cross between Mission Control and Command Central.

Houston, we have a problem: NASA is now in Beverly Hills.

So now we’re all settled in, but the debate still rages on whether women are from Venus and men are from Costco. As soon as I get back from shoe shopping and Robby returns from stockpiling jars of relish, the discussion will certainly continue. So stay tuned (to one of Robby’s TVs of course).

IMG_4532

Need. More. Condiments.

24 thoughts on “Women Are From Venus, Men Are From Costco

  1. Pingback: Marriage First Year

  2. Pingback: My Life As A New Wife: The Year In Review | The Late Blooming Bride

  3. I just like the valuable info you provide to your articles.
    I’ll bookmark your blog and check once more
    here regularly. I’m relatively sure I’ll be told plenty of
    new stuff proper here! Good luck for the following!

  4. Pingback: I Like Big Rebuttals And I Cannot Lie | The Late Blooming Bride

  5. Start saving now, because your charming, old French Normandy apartment is likely to be replaced with a larger suburban house (with three-car garage that will never hold a car but has plenty of storage space) complete with mortgage payments. Rest assured, though, that there will always be enough left over for Costco shopping.

  6. I’m always concerned when I send Justin out for “one thing” at the grocery store and he says, “I’ll take the SUV.” Who needs that much yogurt? Why only buy things we already have? And when are you going to throw out all those mystery cords that probably belong to Benjamin Franklin’s first Mac?

    But let’s back up. A Jew who has a drill and will use it without hiring someone else to use it is a keeper. Even if he did buy 14 drill bits, which he’ll never use.

    xo

  7. I LOVE IT. Somebody said book deal…I’m buying. I can see the fun and love you have found with Robby. Reading your blog makes me anxious to finally move in with my fiance. Bravo Treva Brav f n O!!!

  8. I had already given up on love and then an article in Hufftington Post guided me to your blog. I think it’s a trick of the universe to show me love and marriage with a good man without heavy luggage (children, divorces) can happen later in life. 🙂 Thanks for writing your journey. I wish you the best.

  9. TREV SWEETHEART, GREAT PIECE OF WORK AND TRUE. WHEN ROB COMES TO MY HOUSE HE STARTS
    TO REARANGE MY FURNITURE, STRAIGHTEN OUT MY PANTRY AND CLEAN THE REFRIGERATOR. A PAIN IN THE A–,
    BUT I LOVE HIM

  10. Well, your guy may be from Costco, which is surprising for a converted single guy, but my guy is from Amazon, Quirky, and Brookstone, with an added penchant for knives (of all kinds) and guns. What’s worse is he has EVERYTHING he has ever bought stashed in his 800 square foot place, along with the box it came in. The moral of my story is, my guy and I could only combine domiciles if it happens at a Public Storage facility.

  11. Pingback: Men Are From Costco

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s