The Beauty Of F*cking Up

Thinking Man v2The coming of Yom Kippur has me thinking about regret and guilt – you know, the usual suspects when it comes to feeling shitty about yourself.

On Yom Kippur, we’re given a day to atone for our sins, to clean the slate, to clear our conscience, and make things right, while we fast for 24 hours as punishment for the past year’s misdeeds.

And when it’s all over, we go back to our flawed selves, burying our shame and committing wrongdoings, until we bring them out again next year for reflection and redemption.

I say atone it AND own it. Not just for one day, but for LIFE. That way you can be truly free.

 

Wrong Choices, Right PlacesLooking back, maybe you did some things that you’re not proud of. Maybe you made some poor choices or unwise decisions; maybe you did some dumb shit that sabotaged you or hurt others; maybe you acted impulsively, or didn’t act at all when you should have.

In other words, you fucked up. That’s life. Join the club, we’re all members.

But rather than beat yourself up for it, is it possible to accept your fuck-ups with a sense of respect instead of regret? Is it possible to see your mistakes not as liabilities, but as assets that gave you more character, depth, and soul?

You may have fucked up, but you’re not shit out of luck: the wrong choices you made yesterday could very well be taking you to the right places today.

Beautiful Imperfections

Instead of letting your screw-ups get the best of you, why not make the best of them? Embrace your imperfections and make peace with your flaws because chances are, they made you who you are today: someone smarter, wiser, stronger, and more resilient.

This is why fucking up can be beautiful. It gives you incredible gifts of insight and clarity, as well as opportunities to put your guilt and remorse to good use– like making positive changes and staying on the path of right action.

Fucking up will test you, tease you, torment you, and ultimately teach you things about yourself you never knew. The key is learning the lessons. You never want to waste a perfectly good fuck-up by not learning from it (nor would you want to ruin one by repeating it).

I’ve had some doozy fuck-ups in my day: I squandered time and opportunities; I missed the boat, took my eye off the ball, and made unforced errors. I wish I could go back in time and do it over, but I can’t. I can only be thankful for the lessons I learned and the wisdom it gave me.

I fuck up, therefore I am.

Everyday we have a chance to make things right; to make amends and move forward. And of course, everyday we have a chance to practice FORGIVENESS– fucking up’s best friend.

Just remember, “To err is human; to forgive, divine.” To actually be able to do that, awesome.

My friend therapist Dr. Margaret Rutherford says it perfectly in her blog “How To Step Away From Paralyzing Shame:”

“You can call it forgiving yourself. You can use use faith in a higher Being to help you let it go. You can acknowledge you are human. You can see yourself with compassion. Tell yourself what you would tell your best friend. Realize you were learning something vital. You can do things to try to atone, things that will help you move past it. It takes work, but it can happen. It must happen for you to move on.”

Past MistakesI’m fairly certain that fucking up makes one a better person. We’re all a work in progress, and the process never stops. Trial and error, live and learn, you know the drill. The challenge is to remove judgment and condemnation from your path so you can turn self-loathing into self-loving.

Atone it and own it. Just don’t fuck it up.

9 thoughts on “The Beauty Of F*cking Up

  1. Treva, woke up this morning & this is the first thing I read. Great piece my dear friend. Spot on. Zoo P.s. I have unlimited texting. Calling is .35 per minute but tough to do with 9 hr time difference. Return home 10/3

    Sent from my iPhone

    >

  2. Pingback: Yom Kippur

  3. From one Atoner/Owner to another…these are words to live by. Fantastic article, sentiment and attitude!!
    Treva, you are truly the best!!
    xxx,
    Terry

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